…one person for the rest of your life…

A monogamous sexual relationship.

Have you heard something like this before?  “I don’t want to have sex with just one person for the rest of my life.  That would be boring.”

I have.  I’ve also heard statements like: “What if your partner is horrible at having sex?”  “I can’t be confined to one person.”  “There are too many fish in the sea to settle down with just one.”  I understand why people say stuff like this.  But it is said from an uninformed and ignorant point of view.

Understand off the bat that I am writing this from the perspective of one who is a happily married husband and father.  I am also a Jesus follower and church planter.  So my opinions and perspectives come from that angle.  Nonetheless, I want to share those opinions and perspectives.

I have sex.  And I have that sex with my wife.  We have been having that sex since we got married in April 2008.  When we started I’m sure we weren’t “good”.  But we didn’t know that we weren’t good then.  We just knew that we were having sex.  As time has gone on we have gotten better at it.  The reason being?  We have stuck with it and know each other much better.  And that comes about because of our consistency and strong commitment to each other.

Some might claim that I am off my rocker and don’t know what I am talking about.  But ponder with me over a few examples of how we as humans long for commitment and consistency in our lives.

Have you ever heard someone say that they loved going to 12 different high schools while they were a teenager?  Me neither.  Starting over that many times isn’t fun.  Why?  They long for consistency.

Have you ever seen a child hold on to a certain toy or childhood object and hold onto it till it is falling apart?  Maybe like a blanket or a stuff animal.  I have.  You could buy a new one for them, but given time they will go back to the old one.  Know why?  They long to demonstrate a commitment to this object that has been with them for so long.

Do you have that friend who orders the same thing at a restaurant every time you go?  I do.  Because?  They like being consistent and are committed to that choice of food.

Also, there is a strong peace and stability that comes from knowing that I will only have sex with one person.  I like knowing that my spouse and I are committed to each other as long as the other is alive.  It takes pressure off being better than the previous partner.  It takes away the sting of worrying if you will be as good as the next.  Because if you aren’t, you won’t be getting a call back.

My wife is all I’ve ever known and she is best I’ve ever known from my experience.  And I am all she has known and will experience.  What happens if it turns out that me and her actually really are extremely horrible at sex?  Oh well.  We’ll never know it because we learn and create with each other, and each other alone.

I love being married.  And I love being married to one person.  And I love that me and her only have sex with each other.  It is how God created it, and as He intended it to be – it is good!

…full house…

Growing up I lived in a house with 4 other people and one dog – my parents, my brother, my sister and our dog Fritz.  All 5 of us crammed into a house with 4 rooms.  That was the living situation in all the houses I lived in growing up.  You might think that was cramped, but that was nothing to now.

Right now, my wife, my daughter, my dog and I are sharing a house with 7 other people and 2 other animals.  We are living with another couple who have 3 kids, and have 2 young women living in the top floor of the house.  10 people and 3 animals totally outdoes 5 people and 1 animal!

For a guy who has usually had his space in life (my siblings were 7-10 years older than me) and lived on his own for 4 years I’m actually not going crazy.  Honestly, I’m loving it!  Tiffany and I have had fun living in the houses and apartments that we have had, but this is a whole new experience for us.  We’ve never been in a place that has had this many people before outside of a dorm – and that doesn’t count.  (College life is on a whole other level.)

This type of set up causes one to have to open up and not be defensive about too much privacy or alone time.  It makes you have to learn to communicate and live with people.  Before I just had to learn to get along with Tiffany – and although that was interesting, it was just one person.  Now I am learning how to deal with 4 other grown adults, and 3 more kids.

It is a challenge but it is good.  I’m not able to hide or be someone else.  I’m having to be who I am and that is good!

Have you ever been in a situation like this before?  Living in community and openness?

…heartstrings…

What connects my heart to hers?  Heartstrings.

 

Its the way she smiles when she wants to get my attention.

Its the way she still gets dressed up for me.

Its the way she desires to win my affection.

Its the way she knows me that no one else can see.

 

Its the way I want to protect her against any harm.

Its the way I stare at her when she doesn’t know I’m looking.

Its the way I still think I can stop her with my “charm”.

Its the way I she stops me in my tracks without trying.

 

These are the heartstrings we share.

They are for us; no one else.

They are specifically designed for us and us alone.

 

This is my third contribution t .